Because I had designed my story to take place over 20 pages, I ended up cramming lots of panels and information on each spread. Too much information was being crammed into these two pages. This spread is the introduction to how the Sidians collect sap from bushes growing on the top of rock formations which they use to produce their oils. It is also the introduction to Robel, the flier. And you find out that the Sidians will soon be under attack by a conquering warlord. And I foreshadow that their oxen are easily spooked.
The first page starts out overlooking the towering rocks on which the Sidians cultivate their sap producing bushes. I do a closeup of a worker scraping sap from a bush. Then a wide of workers with Robel small in the background. Then I punch in on Robel, to which we hear the drums roll in the distance. The workers begin to wrap up their work. Meanwhile a boy is trying to push his ox down the path and strikes it, sending it into a panicked run towards the cliff.
On the next page we see Robel jumping into action. He grabs the reins of the ox, turns it and calms it down. After he explains to the boy that oxen are easily startled, he is called over to the cliff's edge by an older man named Ristides who points out smoke on the horizon. They talk for a moment about the reality of the approaching warlord, mentioon the high ritual happening today, and the fact that they have no army.
All these points are important for my story to work, but it was getting too busy and I wasn't able to pace the story as well as I'd liked, so here's my redo below.
Now I've got four pages to tell the same story. I am able to do a few more closeups on the Sidians at work. Scraping the sap into bowls and grinding the sap into mush and loading it into pots. This may be the only time in the entire book where you see the Sidians at work, and I think it's important to show them as regular people. I have Robel holding a feather in his hand. I like props, they seem to help make it seem as though the characters are thinking about something instead of just standing there posing.
The page on the right shows the Sidians beginning to wrap up their work and start their slow hike back down the cliff trails. Now I'm able to punch in on the boy and his problems with his ox.
On this spread I am able to play with space and allow Robel one extra big panel to sell the strain of slowing down the ox. I also swapped two of the panels at the top as I want to punch in on Robel grabbing the reins, then pull back out to see the beginning of his pull. I spend a few more frames with Robel talking to the boy.
On the last page I get to do a study in faces, and landscapes. Ristides is based off my wife's uncle. He's got a great face, and I can't wait to paint him. I'll probably make him even bigger in the last panel. And I want to show the landscape slowly changing from desert rocks to green mountains in the far distance where the smoke is coming from. The larger panel will help give me a bit more room to do so.
So all in all I'm happier with the extra pages. I was able to tell the story with fewer panels and pages, but was just lacking a bit of the actions and my pages were a little too crammed. Now I've got room to breathe.
Tomorrow is my birthday, so I may not work on the book, but if I do, the next page is of Robel gliding down the mountainside. It'll be a fun one to sketch out. I like action.
The first page starts out overlooking the towering rocks on which the Sidians cultivate their sap producing bushes. I do a closeup of a worker scraping sap from a bush. Then a wide of workers with Robel small in the background. Then I punch in on Robel, to which we hear the drums roll in the distance. The workers begin to wrap up their work. Meanwhile a boy is trying to push his ox down the path and strikes it, sending it into a panicked run towards the cliff.
On the next page we see Robel jumping into action. He grabs the reins of the ox, turns it and calms it down. After he explains to the boy that oxen are easily startled, he is called over to the cliff's edge by an older man named Ristides who points out smoke on the horizon. They talk for a moment about the reality of the approaching warlord, mentioon the high ritual happening today, and the fact that they have no army.
All these points are important for my story to work, but it was getting too busy and I wasn't able to pace the story as well as I'd liked, so here's my redo below.
Now I've got four pages to tell the same story. I am able to do a few more closeups on the Sidians at work. Scraping the sap into bowls and grinding the sap into mush and loading it into pots. This may be the only time in the entire book where you see the Sidians at work, and I think it's important to show them as regular people. I have Robel holding a feather in his hand. I like props, they seem to help make it seem as though the characters are thinking about something instead of just standing there posing.
The page on the right shows the Sidians beginning to wrap up their work and start their slow hike back down the cliff trails. Now I'm able to punch in on the boy and his problems with his ox.
On this spread I am able to play with space and allow Robel one extra big panel to sell the strain of slowing down the ox. I also swapped two of the panels at the top as I want to punch in on Robel grabbing the reins, then pull back out to see the beginning of his pull. I spend a few more frames with Robel talking to the boy.
On the last page I get to do a study in faces, and landscapes. Ristides is based off my wife's uncle. He's got a great face, and I can't wait to paint him. I'll probably make him even bigger in the last panel. And I want to show the landscape slowly changing from desert rocks to green mountains in the far distance where the smoke is coming from. The larger panel will help give me a bit more room to do so.
So all in all I'm happier with the extra pages. I was able to tell the story with fewer panels and pages, but was just lacking a bit of the actions and my pages were a little too crammed. Now I've got room to breathe.
Tomorrow is my birthday, so I may not work on the book, but if I do, the next page is of Robel gliding down the mountainside. It'll be a fun one to sketch out. I like action.
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